So mayn thoughts are in my mind, but none of them seems to lead me to the right way. After finally getting healthy, on Monday after theatre my mom told me something that made me feel miserable, about my legs and I that i won't be ever able to wear short skirts...made me (and I'm so ashamed of it) cut my thighs...and on Tuesday i had a fight with my dad...i mean i started shouting at him, cause he was checking what i eat..i hate when he does it...school makes me so stressed, i should take it much easier, but i can't.

I can't take it anymore!!! All of my friends are ignoring me! I'm such a loser. They all have better things to do than listening to my shit and seeing my shitty face...I've been at home lying sick in my bed. Nobody visited me, only one of my friend called me. They hate me! i hate myself too. I need to cut, maybe that would make me feel real again. I'm so weak and still sick, but i wanna go out, I can't stay at home anymore. And my mom thinks I'm still 5 years old. she can't let me grow up already!! that's so sick. she told me she wanted to have a little girl forever. That's why I'm a ruined monster.

Sick...unloved. confused. bored. So hopeless. I can't do anything well, I fuck up my life. nothing can make me feel alright again. especially not happy. I really don't know what to write. I'm not even sure i wanna go on losing weight anymore. it does not make me happier...mess