27th

I feel this big nothing inside me, this coldness at my heart. Ughhhhh this life is so meaningless. I'm invisible! I wanna be seen and especially heard. I try to make signs but nobody sees it, nobody that I'm struggling, HELP ME ME PLEASE :((

after holiday

Christmas was good, we had all the traditions. The best was Christmas Eve with mom and dad. But the 25th was kinda sad without my father. And my mom left me alone at home for hours, that made me so sad. The 26th was okay with the bigger family. Only my sister acted weird. She is so stupid! I ate too much in the last days, i need to stop. But right now it's so hard not to eat, but I'm trying. I feel so empty inside my heart. And I'm so scared.

23rd

I can't believe that my mom can't talk about anything else than my points for the universitry and my exams. It's almost Christmas! Let me forget this shit just for 3 days...i got really angry and sad.

party

The party was really wild. I danced with so many guys. I can't really remember cause I drank too much. But I remember that a boy called me slut. And he was right, i acted like a slut... And another man went way to far. He was so kind and i let him go far. I feel so weird about it now. But at least i wasn't shy with my classmates this time, maybe they like me more than before. Now i feel so sick and about to throw up, not only because of the coctails and the shots, i feel disgusted by myself. I'm not this girl. Who am I?...

wednesday

I did it again. My heart is empty. And my soul too. I slept a bit in the afternoon. Going to a party now but i don't have the mood, but i have to go. bye

I miss

I miss it so much :( I miss that pain, and I'm sick of the thought at the same time. save my soul...

days

Better day today. I wish every day would be like this. And haven't cut for more than a week. I'm proud of it.My mind is still a mess, but I'm used to it. still really scared of the future...I need a hug, I REALLY need it, but i won't get :( bye

gotta end

I can't do it anymore, everything is terrible, my sould aches, and I'm shaking, totally a mess.