Mom keeps telling me I'm not good. She is right I'm a failure..she wants to punish me. Is that what i deserve? Too much pressure in school and about this whole university shit...i don't get love, I want to die...I cut myself again, I'm bleeding right now, I'm not psycho, I'm just sad, too sad.

I'm over this fucking exam. It was terrible, i think i will fail. And tests next week!! I don't  want i don't want!! I hate it all. Tell me I'm not useless....

School has started. It's really terrible, I've got many bad grades in these days...stupid teachers! Sophie says she didnt reply to my calls and texts cause she didn't want to communicate with anyone. Ok, we don't have to be friends anymore, but i missed you so much...Mom hates me for dying my hair. She says I'm ugly, haha like i didn't know it before. New Year's was good. Well, it was really bad, but with a few glasses of drink it was okay. Will I die alone?

27th

I feel this big nothing inside me, this coldness at my heart. Ughhhhh this life is so meaningless. I'm invisible! I wanna be seen and especially heard. I try to make signs but nobody sees it, nobody that I'm struggling, HELP ME ME PLEASE :((

after holiday

Christmas was good, we had all the traditions. The best was Christmas Eve with mom and dad. But the 25th was kinda sad without my father. And my mom left me alone at home for hours, that made me so sad. The 26th was okay with the bigger family. Only my sister acted weird. She is so stupid! I ate too much in the last days, i need to stop. But right now it's so hard not to eat, but I'm trying. I feel so empty inside my heart. And I'm so scared.

23rd

I can't believe that my mom can't talk about anything else than my points for the universitry and my exams. It's almost Christmas! Let me forget this shit just for 3 days...i got really angry and sad.

party

The party was really wild. I danced with so many guys. I can't really remember cause I drank too much. But I remember that a boy called me slut. And he was right, i acted like a slut... And another man went way to far. He was so kind and i let him go far. I feel so weird about it now. But at least i wasn't shy with my classmates this time, maybe they like me more than before. Now i feel so sick and about to throw up, not only because of the coctails and the shots, i feel disgusted by myself. I'm not this girl. Who am I?...