why?

Feel like eating all the time. It's always in my mind. And that i can't! always thinking about how to eat less...Does it make any sense? I mean my life...This fucking fight against weight is killing me. And i can't tlk about it. I feel so pathetic when i talk about it.I know this whole thing is not important but for me it is! Cause I hate the pics in which I look like a cow. I won't be loved looking like that. Oh well, Ive never been kissed, never! but why? cause I look terrible and maybe other reasons too. I hate myself so much.